I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
