I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
