I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
