A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
