Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
