2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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