then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
