Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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