Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
