How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
