wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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