I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
