His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
