i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
