What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
