I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The best revenge is premature balding
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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