btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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