i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
