The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
