I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
