You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize