I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
