It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
