His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
