just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
