I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
