I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
