drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize