You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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