i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
