It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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