The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
