i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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