Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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