Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
