When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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