Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
