You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
