so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
honey bunches of taint.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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