there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
