Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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