If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
