Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
