No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
where am i from again
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
