shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
