i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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