Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize