The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
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