Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Randomize
