Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
