So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
