good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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