ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
