stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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