I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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