I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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