new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize