Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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