I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
