Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
