So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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