don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
