I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
