walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Someone came in the potted fern
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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