I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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