haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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