today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize