Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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