we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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