At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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