Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize