whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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