it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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