Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
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