do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
