I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
