I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize