Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
