The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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