I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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