I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
