I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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