what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
