i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
