I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
