her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize