U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
