It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
