Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
