you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
